For so many years I struggled with..
Body Dysmorphic Dysfunction
Some form of Anorexia
Diet Pill Addiction
Crash Diets (have you ever done the all you can eat milk and banana diet?)
I’ve been there. I know how you feel.
I know what it’s like to look in the mirror and see a stranger. To loath yourself. To wish you were that skinny cheerleader. Constantly looking for approval. It didn’t help that I went to a High School that was EXACTLY like the movie Mean Girls. Or the fact that ALL my girlfriends were these beautiful tall skinny chicks.
These words that I wrote on myself are how I used to feel about myself. How I bullied myself. How I negatively hurt myself. And how many women feel about themselves. And that needs to STOP!
My story goes a little like this.
One summer my parents left me in Germany with my grandparents and I got FAT! I was only 7 years old. LOL. You would think you’d be okay with baby fat as a child. But not for this Lebanese chick. I had a strong personality. If I didn’t get what I wanted, I threw a fit. And well my grandparents were at my beck and call. I still recall ordering that second big MAC while dining out at McDonald’s. I remember my grandfather telling me that if he gets me a second big MAC I’d have to finish it. I was forcing myself to finish the burger. And well, it ended up in the trash. OOPS!
When my parents came back from their little getaway they were shocked to see that I had gained weight. Almost instantly. My mother tried her best to control it. She took me to a dietician. Sadly, I was put on a rigid meal plan. Everything I ate was weighed and measured.
I recall my daily conversations before each meal.
MOM: “Do you want the slice of bread or potato? That was the carb of choice. Steak or Chicken? Cheese or labneh?” ME: “I chose what I felt like at that moment of time.”
How is a 7-year old supposed to decide what to eat? I was bullied into dieting. I was bullied into hating how I looked. Because well I was never good enough. I was not up to par with our fake society. I can sit here and blame my family for causing all the pain I suffered. But I won’t.
Blaming others isn’t a solution. My mother didn’t know better. She wasn’t educated on proper nutrition. But she witnessed the pain and toll it took on me as a young adult. That’s when I began to embrace my body. I knew my self-worth. I finally discovered how to be in control.
LIFTING HEAVY SHIT! It saved my life from total self-destruction.
I love my thick strong thighs. I love that I can yoke 220kg(484lbs). Or Deadlift 150kg (330lbs) with that big booty of mine. I love my imperfections because its who I am. I am okay with it. And I don’t care if you don’t like it. Just like you shouldn’t care what others think about you.
I will leave you with these top 3 take always that helped me get to where I am today: 1. LOVE YOURSELF! Always be kind to yourself. Whatever you are going through, just know that it takes time to get to where you would like to be. 2. Healthy is happy 🙂 3. Get rid of the negative people in your life. Stop watching or reading things that make you feel unhappy. Instead, seek out body-positive projects.
How many of you feel this way? Drop ’em in the comment below. I would love to hear from you and see how I can help.
Love T xoxo